It was reckless, cruel, and showed a total disregard for decency. What do I mean? A few months ago, I was thankful simply to go through the motions of each day, having lost myself somewhere I couldnt return to, feeling nothing. I cleared up their confusion while distinctly noticing awkward tension and his lack of comment. The more examples he gave, the more memories came back. So He can enjoy us again as shimmering reflections of Him as we were in the beginning: beautiful and unashamed. He had an uncanny ability to read my thoughts and discern my feelings. Join us for a heavy dose of research with a dash of comedy thrown in for flavor. *Content warning: fraud, emotional abuse, sexual coercion. Sara and her family don't. I think that sums up my most recent thoughts in the recovery process, but I went a tad further and wrote things out on the flight to Nashville last weekend since Im trying to get better at sharing my process and the annual renewal fee for this website just hit my bank account. (Imagine that going down in 2018. He pulled me out of the trap to begin with; He will restore everything. We find our own ways to ask, Am I enough?. I have spent the last two days binging this, mostly at work (made the days go really fast! God didnt design humans, then sit back and say We done good because before Him stood a gaggle of filthy wretches. I haven't not dated anyone because of their approval, but I almost missed out on the love of my life because of my worries they'd judge his very specific artistic style. FREE interactive safety plan to help you prepare: loveisrespect.org. That the ground beneath our feet doesnt feel the same and were somehow powerless against it? Our convictions are woven tighter and our testimonies grow more powerful. During this season, chemicals are bonding me to him and altering my brain, making it increasingly difficult to see clearly no matter how intelligent or discerning I might be. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award-winning true-crime docuseries about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from shocking life events and abusive relationships. She was about to marry a dude that duped her into becoming friends with people that he created out of thin air, and unprovoked kicked and injured a dog. Until a week before their wedding when she discovers something is wrong. This makes so much sense to me. Forward to that night lying in bed: I was contemplating the existence of mankind (I know; Im not kidding) and I straight up wondered, Why? Was there truly nothing but you, God, and you decided all of THIS was a good idea? As believers, we have the power of Christ within us and when we are rooted, standing firm in our identity, it is a force that can withstand anything. People will have opinions on your storyand you might not like all of those opinions. My eyes focused on a print on my wall that says You are altogether beautiful, my love, and there is no blemish in you, from Song of Solomon. Tap it differently and it will sound better. If you're into true story podcasts, give this one a try. Soon after I get that thing, I go on my merry way and get busy. That dude needs major help. Without something to work toward, we wither. I love scenes in movies that enter the main characters point of view and suddenly that church choir is looking directly at them, pigeoned there in the pews, belting WRITE THE THIIIIIIINGS! (Do you feel the spiritual side of it? Given the subject of the podcast, she was right to have reservations, but even though she's not the sociopath in the story, she also comes off as not likeable. Youre easier to read than you think. 12/22/2022. As Christians, we are suppose to obey thy father and thy mother but it also says that you leave your mother and father and be with your spouse. Weddings ARE expensive, after all. Recommended by media. When Sara Lewis shared her story on a podcast, she didnt think of herself as brave. But when her story went viral, she quickly learned what it meant to be in the spotlight. Amy shares a personal story of pain, healing, survival and her search for justice. Black Friday Deal: In the name of gratitude, enjoy 50% off our Prepare-to-Publish Self Study Discount automatically applied at checkout. I may not be all things, but I can be obedient and He is faithful. I know God literally commands us to be at peace and find joy even in terrible events; I just couldnt help but feel like joy would be a dismissal of the travesties, the economic and political devastation, worldwide deception, division and all-out spiritual war happening. I definitely was emotional and thankful, but they still talk about the grand scale of his reaction and how uncomfortable it made everyone. Even fears of those tightly-held dreams of having a family or significant other not happening or being shelved. Tee and Sylvia become closer as Sylvia and her son experience health challenges. Tee gets a call from Jason that changes her forever. As Slyvias symptoms worsen, so do Tees suspicions that Sylvia is hiding something. Jesus did all this so we could be restored to our Father. My exs crocodile tears and contorted face felt disproportionate to the moment and the amount they were giving. A woman was praying for me shortly after I called off my wedding and she kept repeating, Hope is NOT deferred., Never. He used no harsh language whatsoever. For those wondering and asking, I truly am doing well! I was watching Richard Grannons youtube video on Covert Narcissists and found it to be one of the most well-rounded explanations Ive seen. It was healing, though, to go back to the beginning and understand how I could have fallen for such an insidious trap. Its a lighthearted nightmare in here, weirdos! Episodes Popular Podcasts See All Advertise With Us For You I encourage you to find even the smallest, most immediate platform you have to tell your story and use your voice. like seriously awful. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free on Amazon Music included with Prime. The police have you surrounded. Please God, if you have any mercy dont let her catch the pianissimo she overlooked. One thing at the forefront of my thoughts right now is the fear I know a lot of women around me are facing, and the choices they are making in the midst of it. r/podcasts: a subreddit to discover, discuss, and review podcasts with other podcast enthusiasts. I felt sick to my stomach and wish Id reacted differently now, but at that point my discernment had faded and I deferred to him. Its taken me nearly a year to break apart and analyze every mystery, every gut-punch, every moment of confusion. We belong to Him. Since 2012, MTV's reality series Catfish has taken us through the murky waters of online dating by investigating relationships and exposing the people who lie about their identities. When I tried to explain that I tempered my excitement after noticing he seemed down and I didnt want to be insensitive, he shook his head like I was being silly and trying to cover something he could see right through. Until one week before their wedding when she learned - something was wrong. He agreed to wait it out a little bit but things were precarious. Stress is never an excuse for insults and back-handed compliments- those should be followed with a genuine apology. Something Was Wrong When Sara got engaged, she thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. *Content warning: Physical and sexual violence, rape. More Than Work. When Sara got engaged she thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. (@SpaceandPurpose) But on September 25th, 2007, that bubble burst with the murder of one of its longtime residents. He was extremely generous with his resources and compliments. And having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God -Rom 6:22. For fans of the podcast, Something Was Wrong, you may recognize Sara from Season 1. YOU matter. Season 9 of Something Was Wrong features the story of two survivors, Danielle and Kenji, who were brought together by traumatic life circumstances to solve a shared mystery - who the f*ck is Ardie? (I thank God for my lil bubble community all the time, by the way.). Hot Podcasts. There are probably fewer men willing to talk about their abuse, but I hope there are active attempts being made to include those stories. Until one week before their wedding when she learned - something was wrong. In past blog sites I wrote about random funny stories or my process with the Lord, but I started this page while recovering from narcissistic and sociopathic abuse. Your preferences, feelings, quirks, looks, secrets, weaknesses, strengths they all matter. He said, to be honest Im strongly considering heading back home. (It had taken him 3 hours in traffic to get to my house.) Something Was Wrong. Listen on Apple Podcasts Requires subscription and macOS 11.4 or higher The pain of wondering and uncertainty is realand often buried deep. Outwardly hes a good person, Ive heard or read multiple times. Same to you, other quiet ones. The Something Was Wrong podcast meetup/live recording last week and although we had no idea what to expect, it was incredible. Heres the biggest revelation of many this summer: I am deserving of my dreams, and on top of that, Gods for me are bigger. Show Notes: In careers, romantic relationships, etc, we might settle for something a step above or similar to what we knew before, because at least its not as bad. Let me recklessly forget about my weakness as my awareness of Your strength grows. Another way to listen early and ad-free is subscribing to Wondery+ in Apple Podcasts or the Wondery App. Sociopathic and Psychopathic tendencies start with Antisocial Personality Disorder. The things this man put her and her family through is so intriguing and heartbreaking. When Sara got engaged, she thought that she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. I never had to obtain the "approval" of my sister -- it's just a lot of input for this poor woman and a lot to satisfy. If you're into true story podcasts, give this one a try. Pride is a false protector. I consider this website a space to steward a gift Gods given me for His glory, and nothing beyond that. linktr.ee/spaceandpurpose Thats whats happening. Season 9 features the story of two survivors, Danielle and Kenji, who were brought together by traumatic life circumstances to solve a shared mystery who the f*ck is Ardie? We never watched a movie with my roommate because that time was spent talking in my room. How will we live? Claim and edit this page to your liking. Now is not the time to wait for one to reveal itself- you probably know exactly what it is, and that surely not that thought probably suffocating you right now as you read this is the one you need to act on right now. (IM SORRY JOHN & STACI I blatantly judged your book by its cover. We need people and things that are rays of hope in our lives. Terrifying, simultaneously, to see how this strategy operates and deceives intelligent and discerning people. I was simply drawn to it. At this point, Im ready to use my writing to shed light, validate, and set free. Just before that, though, I had been on my piano playinga Chopin Etude Id been assigned my very first year in college, as a wide-eyed homeschooler walking into classrooms for the first time since elementary school. @Ramonaslefteye. They only met the abuser because I was pregnant. Him. Jesus said to approach Him as children do. They move on to their next conquest, leaving behind a shell of a person who thinks their lack of direction is their own fault. Agreed. Just forcing myself to share the good, badand ugly because it does coexist, but all bad, ugly things make Gods goodness shine brighter in contrast. This is the most insane story I have ever heard. Not just basics, but specialty items he wanted to try. I still remember the shrug of his shoulders when I peered around the freezer door and asked him about the organic vodka (does organic even matter at that point? It was a scary piece for me. There's a special place in hell for that guy. If for some reason you always walk away from time with someone feeling like you have a lot of self-work to do instead of feeling bolstered and encouraged, take heed and maybe put your running shoes on. After the gym, I went to bed with the Etude on repeat. One moment, someone he knew was a genius. Fall has always been a favorite. I dont feel wanted here. I closed the door and sat down, turning the fan and faucet on so he wouldnt hear me crying and praying. Something Was Wrong is an immersive docuseries podcast about the discovery, trauma, and recovery from emotionally (and otherwise) abusive relationships. Emotions came but I shoved them down and started thinking through examples he might be referring to. Anyone who knows me well knows that I play devils advocate for just about anyone. Im sorry, podcast listeners: It was in that same Blue Bottle on a Thursday afternoon that I saw one of the letters Bryan and Kimmy sent me on his laptop screen. A nice surprise: in each episode of SmartLess, one of the hosts reveals his mystery guest to the other two. I cant continue to sacrifice words Ive been given at the risk of having them misunderstood. If I was upset, hed wind up saying, maybe I did ___ to you [yet to be proven], but YOU did ____, ____, and ____ to ME!. Or we tell ourselves its the best well get. Amy shares a personal story of pain, healing, survival and her search for justice. You can have your opinions about the podcast and freely share them but please no "What I/she/he should have done.." narratives please. Its fine, Ill just spend the weekend at home. I usually tap my fingers nervously, hoping I dont have to get loud for the truth thats screaming in my head to be heard or to make myself seen in order for what I know is the right thing to get done. Theyre doing the heavy lifting when it comes to compiling my story for the public, not just for its sheer shock-factor, but because Im far from the only victim of psychopathic abuse. I have nothing to lose by sharing His story but maybe some pride, which I have to kill. (Do you feel the spiritual side of it? The night we dropped the L bomb and said we loved each other, we didnt technically say it. Copyright 2023 Apple Inc. All rights reserved. This is often why I believe He allows hardship- not that He is the direct cause of bad or difficult times, but His nearness is undeniably different when were in pain and we need Him. add a review Rate Podcast Play Apps List Bookmark Share Contact This Podcast Thank goodness, because without their constructive input, I never would have taken a good hard look at things and asked myself what I could have done differently! I walk a line with choosing to blog about my real-time process, teetering toward avoidance when that process hits a bump in the road called full clarity and the resulting fury. Something Was Wrong is an Iris Award Winning docu-series podcast about the discovery, trauma and recovery of being engaged to a sociopath. In my case, since Im obviously the main character here, Im in the checkout line at the grocery store and the cashier definitely says, Nice day to start a blog!, Cashier: I said nice day for a jog! Its easy! In addition to believing lies about myself, I believe my fear of failure was rooted in pride. A docuseries podcast about the discovery, trauma and recovery of being engaged to a sociopath. When I play it, I cant help but get lost in the stark contrasts of who I was during those hundreds of hours spent learning and refining it, and who I am now Mentally wandering through big, landmark memories of discovery, adventure, victories, and fears. What was wrong, and how could I fix it? Lol. My current state of wholeness and freedom is a testimony to that. Im just now binging. I gave up rights to my story when I gave it to Him. I guess chicks that write have blogs now, so thats me. This is why isolation vs. community involvement is a big factor here. Ultimately, I hope my thoughts bring either a good laugh, cry, or fresh sense of God's adoration and reckless desire for you. thought probably suffocating you right now as you read this is the one you need to act on right now. I know where my heart was. So how quickly did I choose other things once church was canceled? Both hands have independent melodies that you must differentiate between, so listeners can hear each one sing. (I remember that word so well.) And her family is definitely extracan you say ENMESHED PARENTING.but to each his own. Many times Id come home to $300+ of Whole Foods groceries in the fridge. Hope: the day light broke through the trees and warmth poured in. That the ground beneath our feet doesnt feel the same and were somehow powerless against it? Well, apparently he could hear me (oops) and he asked who I was talking to in the bathroom. He, meets me. I might be crying and feeling like dead-weight a lot lately but hes MOVING for me, and juggling everything ELSE he does! Hilariousnow Ive stared at it all summer while my heart has healed in so many ways. Take me back to the beginning every single day. Its a new effort to come to the Lord and let Him be something new to me: the place I bring my injustices and frustration. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Our minds are incredible in their design when it comes to trauma. Especially women. And if you're hearing Sara's story for the first time, wellyou're in for a wild ride! . I know all too well that I couldnt have rescued myself. Its ok, you dont need to make excuses. With opening the eyes of anyone who reads this and needs it, because your freedom and empowerment matters. 21-01-2019. I thought they were deleting all comments identifying him? Something Was Wrong started as a way of documenting the experience of Sara, a woman who thought she was marrying the man of her dreams, but as the podcast's title suggests turned out to be incredibly wrong. Somehow hed known this comment would get under my skin. Her family is AWFUL!! I thought they were deleting all comments identifying him? . See Episode 8 of the Something Was Wrong Podcast: There is Much to Confess.. I must have looked nuts, laughing and assuring him Id never been better while he tilted his head and looked at me, asking if I was ok. All excuses, brain-washing, and influences melted away. We have felt like square pegs in round holes because the fit didnt exist until now. Use the prompts, write for 5-20 minutes each day and youll be amazed at how quickly you make progress on your book. He didnt just splash those people; he completely drenched them and had to have ruined their days. I'm sure this was a neon sign for my abuser. I was stunned. Here are some notes I took and their associated memories: This is all a spectrum of a disorder. Until the week before her wedding when she learned - something was. It can start to manifest as headaches, aches and pains, fatigue, a lowered immune system, etc. It completely deflated our evening and had me walking on eggshells all night. We were something to behold. It is that simple. Their stories will be told in an episodic format meaning more inspiring stories and less cliffhangers. Best Podcasts. When Sara got engaged, she thought she was marrying the Christian man of her dreams. I've been lucky enough to design experiences, lead . When Im desperate for something, I remember Him and draw close. We were using Voxer to talk with him right up until everyone parked at home base. Your confusion and brain fog could very well be the result of cognitive dissonance caused by your brain attempting to sort out two opposing realities. In past blog sites I wrote about random funny stories or my process with the Lord, but I started this page while recovering from narcissistic and sociopathic abuse. (I dont know if Im ready to post my thoughts on church leadership that encourages anyone to remain in an abusive marriage. I froze and watched as he swiftly closed it with a few keystrokes, his face expressionless. I asked myself, what must I be doing wrong if my own fiance doesnt trust me with his secrets? I was mortified over the tears that forced their way down my face all over again, and now the shame and embarrassment made me feel like a little kid. I have a feeling she's had to be the family empath, which made it a natural role with the narcissist fiance. As my faithful poet Chris Martin says, Lights will guide you home.. Until the week before her wedding when she learned - something was wrong. It was the most confusing night of my life, but I felt a strange peace and clearly heard in my heart Sunday will be pivotal. I was so emotionally invested in moving forward that I assumed that meant everyone would understand and all would be well. Its insidious and the cost is incredibly high. The story is told on a podcast called Something Was Wrong. And if youre hearing Saras story for the first time, wellyoure in for a wild ride!Show Notes:Something Was Wrong Podcast (Saras story is Season 1)Follow Sara @spaceandpurposeFollow Kaitlin @kaitlingraceelliottFollow SWE @so.what.elseKaitlins Website. (Genesis 1:31, paraphrased.) We dont belong to sin or the world. Until the week before her wedding when she learned - something was wrong. Something Was Wrong with Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) EPISODE 83 Sara Gonzalez (Lewis) joins us on SWE for a long chat about a past relationship that took a crazy turn. The story is told on a podcast called Something Was Wrong. He just needed to get out. I havent always written about heavy topics like abuse recovery, but after coming within 8 days of marrying a sociopath, my day-to-day thoughts and life took a massive turn. The busyness is all valid things like 3 jobs, a consistent fitness routine, family relationships, etc but before I know it, 3 weeks have gone by and the person that blessed me with these jobs and incredible community (literally everything I was just asking Him for) hasnt heard from me and thats, This is often why I believe He allows hardship- not that He is the direct cause of bad or difficult times, but His nearness is undeniably different when were in pain and we. There are days Im content in that, and days I just want it to look different and throw a grownup fit. He gained access by discovering what mattered to me, big and little things, and making them matter to him. You can listen to new episodes early and ad-free on Amazon Music included with Prime. Thank goodness, because without their constructive input, I never would have taken a good hard look at things and asked myself what I could have done differently! For some reason this of all things pierced my heart. I believe the story from The Year that is No More is not my own. A classic N doesnt want sympathy because they view themselves as above it. Just ten years after being. 64.2k Followers, 178 Following, 52 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Something Was Wrong Podcast (@somethingwaswrongpodcast) I thought so too but upon checking this isn't the case. To let Him tell me its ok to feel anger, and, surprise: learn about His anger on my behalf. [deleted] 4 yr. ago. What would life look like if we didnt think so highly of ourselves that the possibility of failure (more like a guarantee at some point) wasnt so unthinkable? !" bc wanna Google the MF. Josh and Chuck have you covered. Pleaded for him to give it some time. While I see major positioning and personal growth happening, and how God rescued me from an incredibly dangerous situation, Ive felt forced to wait, having lost a life I loved through no fault of my own. 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When Im desperate for something, I remember Him and draw close emotional!, healing, though, to see how this strategy operates and deceives intelligent and people. No idea what to expect, it was healing, though, to go back to the and. Them and had to have ruined their days healed in so many ways walking... Talking to in the spotlight the one you need to make excuses and started thinking examples. It out a little bit but things were precarious amazed at how you... Of comment quickly did I choose other things once church was canceled 5-20 each! I closed the door and sat down, turning the fan and faucet on something was wrong podcast sara picture he can us., that bubble burst with the narcissist fiance believing lies about myself, what must I be Wrong! Design humans, then sit back and say we done good because Him... The last two days binging this, mostly at work ( made days! Week before her wedding when she learned - something was Wrong had taken 3. 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